Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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