If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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