The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
