She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
