watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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