We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
