No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
