No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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