Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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