Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
