I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
