The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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