My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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