he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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