The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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