I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
