Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
