Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
