so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
