I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
