she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
