she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
