Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
