There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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