Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
