my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
