so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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