Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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