Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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