i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
