He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
