What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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