You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
