I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk is not a location!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
