Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
