I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
