do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is Oprah even human
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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