On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
