just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
