sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sex in a hospital.. check
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
