you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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