dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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