Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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