It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
