Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
