she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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