Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
