Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
