God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
