How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
