she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
