I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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