He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
