Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
